-You’re
a celebrity because you’re white.
-Your
namesake is a green leafy vegetable (Kyle becomes Kale).
-You
begin to believe “Mzungu” might actually be your name.
-You
feel like you are always in a parade.
-“Mzungu-how-are-you-I-am-fine”
is one word and the most common greeting you receive.
-If
you do not greet everyone in the room in a timely manner, someone might command
you with the words, “You greet me”.
-“I’m
fine,” “yes,” “thank you,” and “well done”
are normal responses to “hello”.
-You
spoon with random African men daily in order to get to town on Piki-Pikis.
-You
consider 68 degrees Fahrenheit to be cold weather.
-You
drink hot tea, even when the temperature tops 100 degrees Fahrenheit.
-You
consider yourself clean after bathing in lake water.
-The
best thing about going to a city is the hot showers.
-You
talk about food you miss at least three times a day.
-Malaria,
typhoid, worms, amoebas are common occurrences and not generally worrisome.
-After
visiting the doctor, you feel like you’ve been to a vet’s office.
-No
one in any clinic has every heard of the word “privacy” and HIPPA
certainly doesn’t apply.
-Walking
2 km to and from the clinic with deadly tropical diseases is common and
expected.
-You
sit through at least one meeting every day that is twice as long as it should
be because there seems to be no linear thought progression between speakers (or
even within one speaker’s time).
“Concise” is definitely not in the vocabulary of those you
work with.
-Rats,
roaches, flies, and other pests no longer phase you: “Oh, there are only
30 roaches in that squatty? No big deal…”
-Sometimes,
relieving yourself in the bush is a much better idea than using a toilet.
-You
need to be escorted outside at night so that you are not “kwapped”
(eaten, attacked, mauled, and/or torn to pieces) by hippos.
-You
wake up to the sounds of the jungle- monkeys screaming outside your door.
-Chocolate
is necessary for your sanity.
-Every
time you see another white person, everyone points and stares. Occasionally, you might yell
“Mzungu” to them as well.
-You
must pick between running water and electricity: having both would be way too
western.
-Cows,
not cars, cause traffic jams.
-It
is physically impossible to remain clean for more than an hour after you shower
(assuming, of course, that you were actually clean after your shower!)
-Children
fight over the opportunity to hold your hand for even a few seconds.
-You
might or might not exist.
-Taking
hours to hand-wash your laundry is not a big deal-it’s just part of life.
-Food
really just becomes food-sustenance for the day.
-The
only appropriate response to “Praise the Lord!” is a boisterous
“AMEN!”
-Cardboard
boxes that previously contained your water bottles become your drawers and
general storage areas.
-Your
transportation get stuck in the mud during rainy season several times a week.
-You
need a rain jacket while you travel INSIDE a bus.
-Grunts
and eyebrow-raising is your preferred method of indicating “yes” or
“no” when asked a question.
-If
you want to have warm water for a shower, you must heat it in a pot
yourself. Then, you can bathe with that
water from a bucket while standing in a squatty potty.
-Putting
on the same sweaty clothes from yesterday really is the best thing you have in
your wardrobe.
-The
people around you speak at least three languages each, if not five, six, or
ten!
-There
are four or more languages commonly spoken in the city in which you live.
namesake is a green leafy vegetable (Kyle becomes Kale).
-You
begin to believe “Mzungu” might actually be your name.
-You
feel like you are always in a parade.
-“Mzungu-how-are-you-I-am-fine”
is one word and the most common greeting you receive.
-If
you do not greet everyone in the room in a timely manner, someone might command
you with the words, “You greet me”.
-“I’m
fine,” “yes,” “thank you,” and “well done”
are normal responses to “hello”.
-You
spoon with random African men daily in order to get to town on Piki-Pikis.
-You
consider 68 degrees Fahrenheit to be cold weather.
-You
drink hot tea, even when the temperature tops 100 degrees Fahrenheit.
-You
consider yourself clean after bathing in lake water.
-The
best thing about going to a city is the hot showers.
-You
talk about food you miss at least three times a day.
-Malaria,
typhoid, worms, amoebas are common occurrences and not generally worrisome.
-After
visiting the doctor, you feel like you’ve been to a vet’s office.
-No
one in any clinic has every heard of the word “privacy” and HIPPA
certainly doesn’t apply.
-Walking
2 km to and from the clinic with deadly tropical diseases is common and
expected.
-You
sit through at least one meeting every day that is twice as long as it should
be because there seems to be no linear thought progression between speakers (or
even within one speaker’s time).
“Concise” is definitely not in the vocabulary of those you
work with.
-Rats,
roaches, flies, and other pests no longer phase you: “Oh, there are only
30 roaches in that squatty? No big deal…”
-Sometimes,
relieving yourself in the bush is a much better idea than using a toilet.
-You
need to be escorted outside at night so that you are not “kwapped”
(eaten, attacked, mauled, and/or torn to pieces) by hippos.
-You
wake up to the sounds of the jungle- monkeys screaming outside your door.
-Chocolate
is necessary for your sanity.
-Every
time you see another white person, everyone points and stares. Occasionally, you might yell
“Mzungu” to them as well.
-You
must pick between running water and electricity: having both would be way too
western.
-Cows,
not cars, cause traffic jams.
-It
is physically impossible to remain clean for more than an hour after you shower
(assuming, of course, that you were actually clean after your shower!)
-Children
fight over the opportunity to hold your hand for even a few seconds.
-You
might or might not exist.
-Taking
hours to hand-wash your laundry is not a big deal-it’s just part of life.
-Food
really just becomes food-sustenance for the day.
-The
only appropriate response to “Praise the Lord!” is a boisterous
“AMEN!”
-Cardboard
boxes that previously contained your water bottles become your drawers and
general storage areas.
-Your
transportation get stuck in the mud during rainy season several times a week.
-You
need a rain jacket while you travel INSIDE a bus.
-Grunts
and eyebrow-raising is your preferred method of indicating “yes” or
“no” when asked a question.
-If
you want to have warm water for a shower, you must heat it in a pot
yourself. Then, you can bathe with that
water from a bucket while standing in a squatty potty.
-Putting
on the same sweaty clothes from yesterday really is the best thing you have in
your wardrobe.
-The
people around you speak at least three languages each, if not five, six, or
ten!
-There
are four or more languages commonly spoken in the city in which you live.
If
these are true of your life, you might indeed be an East African
missionary. Welcome to the club!
